Sam Kaczur Photography

Photos of 2011 - My Favourites

2011-12-31T12:37:00.000-08:00

Hello all!

This blog post is showing off my favourite photos of 2011. My personal favourites. That doesn't mean they are my best shots. I wish you all a great New Years. I will be posting more blogs once my new website is up and running. So! Here they are!

There are so many more!!! I want to thank everyone for their support this year. It has been a hard one for me and I can not believe the number of people who supported me and who have helped me grow. Everything I do is inspired by those people I love, lost and others I can't wait to see again soon.

Remember that motivation comes from within. Everything else is just inspiration.

Start with a style and you are in chains, start with an idea and you are free. (Richard Avedon)

Until next year,
Sam Kaczur

December Challenge Day 1!

2011-12-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

Well it is last minute, but I decided to write, if possible, a blog a day, draw every day or generally create every day. I also decided to take my physical workouts to the next level. Why? Well why not?

I am not going to have a youthful body forever and why not enjoy it at its fullest and fittest potential? No, I am not going for skinny. I am going for healthy. Body, mind and spirit.

For those of you who have read previous blogs, you will know the past year has been hard for me. A close friend died. I gained weight. Went from insane to sane and, well generally dug myself out of the shithole I was in.

Yes, I still have a long way to go but for the next 31 days I am going to be overhauling my life even more. Getting myself in a routine and testing the limits of my whole being. Why? Because I can. I want to grow and the only way for me to do that is to take action.

November has been hard, after Samhain — read last blog. This got worse and depression crept back in my life. But I will NOT let it hold me down like I used to let it.

Yes I will cry. I will hate the fact of getting up in the dark, in the cold and sitting alone to think. I will hate not being able to curl up in my soft sheets and escape to my dream world.

But that is just it. I do not want to escape to my dreams anymore to experience new things. I want to live my actual life to its full potential. I want to see what one month of intense hard work actually does for me. I want to prove my inner demons wrong.

Yes, I know I am crazy, but I want to enjoy life. Two of my friends, who I loved, respectively died at the age of 23 and 24. So I only have three to four years left if I am dealt the same fate. Why waste it!?

I promised both of them I wouldn't go out without making something of myself. They saw my potential, they saw my love and my large amount of creativity … and everyday they were alive they saw me get better but to be honest, I wasted it on things I truly didn't care for.

I dabbled and never truly committed myself to ANYTHING. Yes there is photography and I love it but I never sat down and obsessed about it or put my good ideas into the mix. And that is partially what this month will be about.

Now, a few people have told me to tell everyone your goals. That way you can't dismiss them. You have to prove it to the world that you CAN do it. And if you fail, the guilt is that much harder to face.

And so I have more than 2,000 fans on various websites and places around the world. I guess my blog is a good place to start. If people read it yay! If they get inspired, double yay!

Everyone goes through hell. Some literally go through the flames and torture while to others it could be as horrifying as seeing a squirrel get run over. Life is different for everyone. Priorities are different as well. So, if my priorities seem small, just realize that maybe to me they are larger than life.

So, without further ado, here are my goals that I MUST achieve every day from December 1st to the 31st.

Work out everyday. Does not have to be going to the gym, but at least doing some form of exercise.

Go for at least one long walk a day
Eat my three to five meals per day
Have a one hour meditation time
Take one photo a day
Write one blog a day — to update you guys
Get up at 5 or 6 a.m. so I can watch the sun rise while I eat my breakfast.

Things I want to work on during this month, hopefully one or more things will get done in a day!

· clean my room completely

· reorganize my desk/ papers

· clean up my old files/photos on computer/edit photos that I always put aside

· read a book(s)

· plan my goals for the coming new year/life

· do a few self portraits

· write down my dreams

· write my story

· have time for myself

· re-learn deeper meditation

· paint/draw/be creative and show people

· enjoy music

· finish hanging my frames

· get photos to put in said frames

· cut out the unnecessary negativity in my life

· make a video

· expand my ideas and take them to the next step

· enjoy the little things

Last night, I was talking to a dear friend of mine who was going through a few troubles. She asked how I get the energy to keep going. I honestly don't know but right now my guess is that I am channeling all the anger, the doubt, the lies, broken promises and all the bad memories and putting them to work. I am proving all those people whether they know it or not that they were WRONG about me.

They have no idea how their actions and words affected me. And instead of cowering and letting them hit me, I will be taking charge of the crowbar and seeing how they like it on the cowering end.

Of course this is metaphorical and of COURSE I will not name names, confront them or even tell them they hurt me.

But the idea of proving the world wrong just gets me inspired to work hard and to push through all the pain and to keep going. If I feel tired and want to quit, I remember something one of the assholes said and I am back to do another set of squats or run that extra 10 metres. Or even get back to painting.

Another thing that pushes me to keep moving — I am tired of being depressed and eating my life away, of watching myself get tired, fat and then even MORE depressed. I do not deserve it and I will not let it bring me down.

Brady S. just shared this video on FACEBOOK: http://youtu.be/LuJ4hbkLiY0 Thanks for the inspiration!!!

SO what I did today.

Got up at 5 a.m. (thanks to my lovely friend Hrachia for texting me at 5 a.m. … bastard.)

Read a book for a bit, then wrote a few pages of my story.

Had a large breakfast of healthy leftovers while watching the sun rise

Took photos for my father's company at a construction site in New Westminister

Ate a small snack

Went to the gym and worked on my back and 20 minutes of cardio

Got my food for this week and prepped it

Ate my lunch

Did some online work for my boss' website

HIIT training and walking

Food while icing my shins

Wrote this blog

Took some photos

More work

Shower

Dinner

Chiropractor

Online work

So all in all, I think it was pretty successful for the first day. Tomorrow will be harder and I welcome the challenge.

Parting spirits

2011-10-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

Halloween. It is the time when people dress up, go out and party, watch scary movies or generally think of zombies. I haven't yet found a person who actually knew what this holiday is truly about. You do not know how disappointed this makes me.

Ironically Oct. 31 has been perverted by none other than the Christian faith. Yes, this night of excessive drinking and idiotic behavior is the work of Christians and those who oppose any organized religion.

Let me tell you the true meaning of this holiday in hopes that you will think twice about what you do on this day. OF COURSE you are allowed to do whatever you want and of course you don't have to change your ways, stop the party or even finish reading this blog. I am just tired of being one of the only people I know who care about this holiday for what it truly is.

Yes, it is a Wiccan holiday I celebrate.

Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia on the origins of Halloween, actually named Samhain.

"Samhain is one of the eight annual festivals, often referred to as 'Sabbats', observed as part of the Wiccan Wheel of the Year. It is considered by most Wiccans to be the most important of the four 'greater Sabbats'. It is generally observed on October 31 in the Northern Hemisphere, starting at sundown.

“Samhain is considered by some Wiccans as a time to celebrate the lives of those who have passed on, and it often involves paying respect to ancestors, family members, elders of the faith, friends, pets and other loved ones who have died. In some rituals the spirits of the departed are invited to attend the festivities.

“It is seen as a festival of darkness, which is balanced at the opposite point of the wheel by the spring festival of Beltane, which Wiccans celebrate as a festival of light and fertility."

So, in short, what is Halloween, or as I shall call it from now on-- Samhain about?

It is the time of year where the dead come home to visit before passing into the spirit world. It is where people left out cakes and treats to the souls of loved ones to let them know it is alright to move on, that they are remembered and never forgotten.

Yes, it does bring to mind the little ghouls and witches that ring your doorbell and ask for candy. That is what society has perverted it to be. Just like Christmas, large corporations used it as a way to make money.

To make costumes, decorations and anything creepy to make the holiday actually beneficial to their pockets. Kids just know it is a time when things get scary and they get rewarded with candy.

They don't know that they are symbolically the dead spirits visiting the houses of the loved ones they wish to say good-bye to.

In the last year I lost someone who was close to me, and to be honest I dreaded this holiday because I knew all the feelings I had in February would just spring up again and haunt me today. I loved this man with my whole being and I know that tonight I will be reflecting on his life and the memories he and I had shared.

To this day I still have no clue how I have survived these past eight months without him and I do not know how I am going to last the next 50 years. But, he wanted me to try and I will. He wanted me to get healthy and I have. He wanted me to live my dreams and I am doing that for him.

Without his lust for life, how he lived everyday like it was his last inspired me to live my life and to try and make the best out of every situation because, as he said, he never knew if he was going to wake up the next day or not. He never knew if he was going to die of a heart attack. He never knew if a trip to the hospital would end with the inevitable.

And through it all he wanted to make sure I would be okay. On one trip to the hospital, our friend Jason, who has also passed away in 2010, told me his only words. "I wish I could find someone who could be with her forever."

So please, before you think this night is just a huge party, remember why you are partying and what this day was meant to be for. Leave out a small treat for those loved ones who have passed on so they know you still care for them and remember them.

I am leaving you with the last words that he had written for me before he died. Be safe everyone and honour your loved ones who are no longer alive.

Thank you everyone for your support today.

Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.

Sam

His letter:

My dear,

I know you want to say goodbye if someone is dying. I am writing this in case we can’t talk anymore. I am sorry. It is the best, I don’t want to live this way, it’s alright. I don’t know if this heart can take me anywhere far but I doubt it. Don’t miss me, I am always by your side. Try to forgive me, alright? I don’t want to be the reason for you going nuts or so. Things will go well without me, hun. And for god’s sake live longer than me! Alright? Thank you. Do what you want. Never give up and let nobody bring you down. Be happy. I’m happy because I’m done, I’m free. I will rest in peace. We have been through this already, I could have died every single day. But you better promise me that you won’t do anything stupid, okay? Never. Enjoy your life, sweets. You will get all healthy, you’ll be successful. You are amazing at what you do. It’s alright if you are upset because we couldn’t talk anymore. I can take the role of the idiot (like so many times before). It’s fine, don’t cry. Thank you for the wonderful time I had with you. Every guy can be happy if you trust him. Let them know, kick their asses, let nobody play with you or dump you. There is nothing more to say, don’t be sad please. It is just right, I wasn’t supposed to live long. I’ve told you so. Smile, I didn’t want to be one of those people who just leave you alone. If you read this I won’t be able to make it up to you. But still, don’t hurt yourself by thinking too much about me. I’m there. So close and either watching everyone I care about or I am reborn, who knows? I won’t say Bye because it sounds so finite haha…talk to you later. Someday, somewhere.

Yours Connor

Reflections on school

2011-09-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Two weeks into my first school semester and, man have things changed. The first week was one of inner conflict, the duty of full-time school or part-time education.

Being myself I believe I can do anything I put my mind to — since my past has proven that, yes, I can do this. It is not exactly healthy to do it that way.

** For those of you who have just stumbled along here, I am a 20-year-old photographer who, more than two years ago, started my post-secondary education at the wildly poetic art school of Emily Carr in Vancouver. **

After much exasperating help from my family and friends and a very knowledgeable therapist, I decided to drop half of my courses and to only attend Emily Carr part-time.

Which means I can have that much MORE time for — SCHOOL!

And you guys thought I would say photography. Yes, there will be photography. Yes, I will be editing photos from old shoots and also putting myself in front of the camera.

Well, that is how I started out and I think it is time to give a few of my oldest fans what they want to see.

But for now the photography is just a maybe. If I have time, I promise I will do it, however for now, I will be educating myself in the art of moving pictures.

Yes, pictures that MOVE. I am not going to school for something I already have started learning. So, I decided to up the intensity and put some of my ideas into action.

Okay, I am definitely getting off topic. I want to share with you all a few lessons I learned in the past two weeks:

PACE YOURSELF

Having an "I can conquer anything" attitude is an amazing gift. It keeps depression at bay and keeps you motivated to continue in life and not get stuck on the couch.

I have fought with this one all my life and still it gets me to this day, though now I have a better idea of how to handle it instead of doing all the work I gave myself.

Even if you are the smartest, strongest and best person in the world, you can not do everything at once at 100 per cent efficiency and quality. Something is going to slack off to get it all done.

PLAY DUMB

Even if you know a lot and have done a lot in your life. You still don't know everything from EVERY angle. You only know one side so ask questions and let them take you on a journey.

Even if it is a simple question, try to understand what they are saying.

COMMUNICATION

I know now that I need a lot of communication between my family, friends, doctors and professors to succeed in life. Eventually I may be able to have more secrets and hide things but I can't do this alone.

I lost a lot in the past year and I need the support that everyone is giving me. If you are struggling, find someone to help you, trust me there will always be someone willing to listen.

They just may have died a few years ago, but they are still here to listen.

KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES

I knew I did not want my life to change when I went back to school. I wanted to be able to do photography, the gym and school all together.

With the way I laid it out two weeks ago it was ridiculous so I overhauled it and made it easier for myself. That gives me more time to expand my ideas and to let them flesh out on their own.

LISTEN TO YOUR MOODS

Everyone has bad days. Use them to your advantage and put that rage, sadness and negativity to work! Do not let it consume you. Go for a run, paint your heart out or even scream it out.

Get creative with it, listen to depressing music, angry music, punch the punching bag like it is the centre of the problem.

BE YOURSELF

Do what you want to do, but know that you are only one person. Keep yourself healthy and if you feel sick, rest. If you are depressed find out why.

If you are happy then GOOD! Life is a long training course. It will make you stronger. For what? Well I won't get into that.

Now I am off to clean my bedroom and enjoy a nice hot pot of tea.

All the best,

Sam

Love/hate relationship

2011-08-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

In a previous post, I mentioned I started with traditional art. I did painting, drawing and sculpture. My favourite of all was realistic graphite drawings.

I was smitten to just sit in front of a giant piece of watercolour paper and use my 21 different shades of pencils. By the end of art class in high school, my forearms would be black with graphite and I would probably only get a few square inches complete each hour.

I continued this trend into my first year at Emily Carr University, being able to take still life drawing to a new level. I laughed internally when my drawing teacher told me you could never make a pure black with pencils. I knew the combination in my head (6B, 4B, 2B, H in varying layers) and how to make the black as perfect, but not matte, shiny like the rest of those harder pencils.

In my first semester at Emily Carr University, my drawing professor and I had a mutual love/hate relationship with each other. He was the professor who told me in 2008 I would never get into the school, so when I went into his class in 2009 (to rub it in his face) he remembered me and knew it would be a battle of who could out-push the other.

Throughout that semester he really pushed me to get better, even better than I already was and he did so by giving me the WORST critiques in class although my piece was one of the class favourites usually.

We never talked to each other outside of the critiques, and we definitely didn't share any conversations between the two of us.

I never knew I would improve that drastically in two months, nor did I think it was possible. The challenge to prove him wrong, that I was better than he told me I was. It got me really motivated to improve and get better. I knew I was on the right track when I got one of the highest marks in the class.

Although you think you know it all, really you don't. No one has any idea what their full potential is. I know I am not at my limit for photography and I know I am nowhere close in my other art forms.

I have met many photographers who think they are amazing and above everyone else. Trust me, one day you will fall off that ladder and get hurt really badly.

I've know a few artists who quit because someone showed them up. They were refused a show or didn't get first prize in a competition. I even knew a fellow art student who dropped out of art school due to the harsh critiques my drawing teacher gave her. She had so much potential to grow, but her ego was to large and fell like humpty dumpty off that wall.

Always be open to opinions. Ask for critiques from fellow artists you respect and look up to. I ask for blunt critiques from people I respect and trust to give me their honest opinion. I truly hate when people sugar-coat the critiques. If you hate the abomination then say it. It can hurt especially if you love the photo/art, but it will make you see your work through new eyes.

Never stop creating art. Always strive for better and remember, you will only get better through practice.

Sam

Post delay

2011-07-27T00:54:00.000-07:00

"Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door."

Today I got stung more than 15 times by a fabulously angry hornet. Apparently they do not like photographer's calves and knees. I will be posting two blogs this week, catching up with my Tuesday one and also one about my upcoming model workshop I will be hopefully holding mid-August!

So stay tuned for more details and to tide you over, here is some giggles that I found amusing. The Schmidt Sting Pain Index. The way they describe some of the pain is hilarious.

Take care

2011-07-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

"The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he's got an abscess on his knee or in his soul." - Rona Barrett

Two years ago, I was in the worst shape mentally, physically and spiritually.

I was accepted into Emily Carr University and the stress of obtaining excellent marks was taking a huge toll on my well-being. I ignored all the signs of my depleting health — the constant pain was ignored with pain killers — the muscle cramps, insomnia and sun-related migraines were a daily occurrence.

My mental health slipped and I started to show symptoms of OCD, depression, panic disorder and mild psychosis. My mental and physical symptoms were all caused by the mass amount of pressure I put on myself.

I never let myself fail. I always went 110 percent on everything I did in school. My professors, though surprised by my determination, watched as I contracted swine flu, and a couple other flu-like symptoms after and, eventual organ troubles, and psychosis due to the stress I was living in.

The teachers all urged me to take spring semester off, but in my usual Aries fashion I pressed forward and finished it, with a 3.8 GPA, but with a couple trips to the hospital. All of my doctors told me it was not my choice anymore and I had to take a year off. The school even suggested it as well.

Now, it was all about me for 18 months. I went through every test in the book. A weekly visit to the hospital was mandatory for my blood tests, physical health, mental health and to make sure I was capable of making the right decisions.

Finally, I hit a wall with my art, life and just … everything. I lost it completely as my doctor listed off all my symptoms. My lungs were only working at 50 per cent their normal ability; one of my liver lobes was getting squeezed into non-existence; my heart wasn't beating right; my kidneys were a joke; my vision got worse and, not to mention that four of my ribs were torn and pulled outwards from the cartilage.

That was it. I couldn't ignore the problems. I couldn't get away from the paranoia and I had to heal. My psychiatrist told me there is no way I should even feel remotely human at this point.

And I did not at that time.

Looking back, I am astonished I went through that much strife and actually lived to be able to be here today. That all has changed now as I decided to rebuild my inner foundations. The foundations which every human should have in order to succeed in life.

These are my main points — tell me yours:

Patience. It is a large one, but it is the first stone I had to lay in order to build my inner temple. I needed to learn I could not heal overnight. That I could only get better if I let time be my friend.

Always remember not to race with time but to use it wisely. Never make rash decisions, but don't waste away the day thinking of how to do something. Try things out and be ready to make mistakes and get back up again.

Physical health. Never ever forget your physical health. Even if you are fine with your weight, feel fine and eat great. Always remember exercise is your friend — it will bring a new light to your goals and make you more confident with yourself.

Have a professional check-up done regularly on you and see if you are happy and feel fine. Even the smallest complaints can be soothed. And don't just go to your doctor.

Go to a naturopath, registered massage therapist, Chinese doctor and a physiotherapist. Obtain other opinions on your well-being.

Drugs are never the answer. They are only a band-aid.

Mental health. Breathe. Inhale and exhale. Yes, everyone has down days. Everyone has rage days, but really if you can not get out of the slump — obtain help.

You are not weak for feeling depressed, anxious or paranoid. Something isn't right and you might just need to let out some of your troubles. I did.

Spiritual health. No I do not mean go to a church, synagogue, or a religious temple. If you believe in a greater power, ask them for help, — lean on them for support and know they are always there for you.

If you don't believe in anything, that is fine, but learn to be at peace in your situation.

Timeout. Do not overwork yourself. Give yourself breaks. Even if it is five minutes, recollect yourself and get a glass of water. You will be more eager to get down and finish your task with fresh eyes.

‘Me time.’ This is different than timeouts. It is a time when you can curl up on your bed, read a book, watch a movie or even just sit there and daydream. Think of your favourite things — like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.

Okay— no Sound of Music singing here. But really, do something that makes you happy. One of my favourites is watching the crows Larry and Gary in my backyard — such a cute couple.

Self-esteem. We all struggle with our self-esteem one way or another. And for those who are perfect well have fun in life and good for you. I haven't met one person yet who thinks they are the bee's knees.

But seriously. My largest self-esteem worry is my body image. I used to be athletic, but with three years of neglecting my body I added some extra winter padding. I am not obese by no means. But I want to look like the models I hang around.

Patience and self-esteem work together. Be patient with yourself. Learn to love you for you and also learn if you truly hate something about yourself you can change it. In art, in life and in any way possible, you have the power to take control and to be happy.

And last, but not least. Learn to love and to forgive. Love yourself, your friends, your faults as well as their faults.

Remember that only you can change how you view your world. If you are negative, and always are ready to lose then you will. Press yourself to be better, love that photographer you admire. Do not be jealous if another equally-skilled photographer is more successful with money.

Respect them and what they have accomplished. When it is your turn to shine, and you will have multiple times, they will be proud of you as well. And if no one is, then email me and I'll tell you I am genuinely proud.

Love your work, love the people who support you and love yourself — and love that bitch down the street who doesn't know how to pick up her chihuahua's shit.

Until next Tuesday, I remain,

Sam Kaczur

PS — Since I have been accused of doing drugs to cause my psychotic symptoms I will give you this note. No, I have never done any drugs in my life except those prescribed by my doctors. I have never touched any street drug, pharmaceutical drug or anything I wasn't supposed to and, I proudly say, I have never been drunk or high in my life and I never plan to. Before you judge, do some research — you may learn something.